We are smack in the middle of a brutal kitten season, and I have had 3 sets of bottle babies since March. My first ones I got at one day old. They are fully vetted and ready to be adopted out. My second pair were both special needs. One passed away and the second is getting the critical care they need from a very experienced foster and vet tech. Receiving care that even with my best intentions I could not give. My third bottle baby I received is also no longer with us. He passed away from complications of pectus excavatum.
Why am I telling you all of this? Well, to set the scene of course! I am three months into kitten season and my friends and family are begging me not to take anymore kittens. They are saying I've done enough. That people think I'm insane for trying to help so many. What void am I trying to fill by constantly rescuing these kittens? The short answer is that I am my happiest when I am bottle feeding.
I am 38 years old. I have no kids, and its pretty obvious at least to me that I have a need inside of me to care for something. I love bottle feeding. It's so challenging and heart wrenching at times, but I love it. I feel fulfilled. I feel happy. I feel needed, and I do not feel judged (by the kittens/neonates).
A lot of strong emotions come up during the cycles a kitten/neonate is with me. First I am in the feelings of can I keep this feline alive long enough for them to overcome whatever it is they came in with? Second, the countless days and weeks I go without sleep or interacting with other humans because they need my attention all hours of the day. Third, they are finally healthy and being vetted. We bond a lot during this time and I get them ready for their furever homes. Fourth, they are adopted out and I must say goodbye.
I lose myself during part(s) of the process. I admit it. I feel alot of saddness when I have to say goodbye, but I am working on turning those emotions into places of gratitude. That the kitten I love so much will have an amazing life now because I sacrificed my own life for a couple months. I think I probably experience a lot of the same emotions other rescuers feel. The biggest one is the lack of self care we engage in. We sacrifice so they can live, but what is the limit to that?
I am all about self care. Even at my most difficult times of bottle feeding I will carve out an hour and a half of my day to go and take a dance or yoga class. I get to the class right on time and I always leave 5-10 minutes early, but I still show up and do it. Even with me carving out this time weekly it is still not enough. When my emotions are out of whack so are my eating habits. I go for lots of sugary and fatty foods. When I am not feeling balanced emotionally I eat poorly. I am sharing this because I know I am not alone.
While I do not believe I will not ever take in another neonate I do believe in taking breaks. Anyone who bottle feeds needs to take at least a short break in between litters to do a reset if you can feel your daily habits getting out of whack. You may not feel like you have the time to do a reset , but you do. Here are some things I do while I am taking a much needed break during kitten season.
I buy lots of fruits and vegetables and force myself to cook meals from scratch.
It's no secret what suffers the most during my time bottle feeding is my sleep. A very close second is the food I eat. I often times feel like I do not have enough time to cook myself healthy meals so, I often am heating up frozen food. Taking a break from bottle feeding allows me to reconnect with whole foods that nourish my body instead of deplete it. This will also help in regulating my sleep and my emotions.
2. Reconnect with friends I haven't been able to see in a while. A lot of my friends actually come to my home while I am bottle feeding in order just to see me, and that really warms my heart. It is so sweet of them, but it is not fair. Friendship is a 2 way street and if you want these friendships to last over time you need to also make time for them. Something I have not been good at in the past. I need to take breaks to nurture the relationships that do not involve cats. This is not selfish. This is a part of being a well rounded person. Relationships with others is an integral part of life. If you have shut yourself off from others because you have become inundated with your rescue efforts let me tell you, it's not healthy. We need others and these relationships are give and take. You need to be present to them.
3. I treat myself to something. A groupon mani/pedi. A fun new class. A beach day. Not every moment has to be in service to others. It is ok to take some time out for yourself. If you have found yourself getting depressed over the amount of rescue work you have. Or just the work itself, it is time to take a break. This is a marathon, not a sprint. If someone tells you that you are not doing enough just know THEY ARE WRONG! There is no limit it to how much you must do. What you MUST do is take care of yourself. If you do not take care of yourself no one else will.
So, am I trying to fill a void through my rescue efforts? I don't know. I know I love it, and I know that without clear boundaries and focus things can get out of control for anyone, but I'm not sure if I'm trying to fill a void. I genuinely love caring for them. To my rescue friends please remember you are not alone. Please remember you can take breaks, and please remember to eat whole foods. Life moves fast when you are caring for sick animals. Your body needs fruits and veggies. Take care of yourself first, and then if you have time left care for others.
Once we get into solid self care routines it becomes a little easier. If you need any free resources in order to help you get into some good self care routines here is one of many videos to help send you in the right direction. https://youtu.be/xFCmLgO6XJ0 I hope this article finds whoever needs a self care reset. Love you guys, and remember we are a work in progress. Life is not linear, and if you need help please reach out. I am not a healthcare professional. Just a fellow rescuer who knows how easy it is to fall into the pits of despair, because of how challenging this work can be. Reach out and I will do my best to send you in the right direction to get the help you need.
Love, Jessica
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